Thursday, August 17, 2006

I seem to be almost fully recovered from my misadventure this weekend. I also had my follow up with the surgeon this week and everything is healing well. The final test results of the biopsy were benign as expected. When he told me I let out a breath I didn't know I'd been holding. Yesterday I noticed an actual bounce in my step, a renewed energy. I'm not sure what it's from, it could be that after a week and a half I'm no longer an invalid or maybe I was a bit more worried about those test results than I even admitted to myself. Whatever, I feel good so I'm going to run with it.

Thank you by the way to all of you for your supportive and reassuring words. I didn't answer all the comments but know that each and every one was appreciated!

I realized I am actually on a health kick but it's really more and less than that. I turn 40 in 3 years. Unlike when I was 29 and freaking out about 30, I am actually ok with 40 but there are conditions attached. You all know about the weight loss thing. I really want to be at my ideal weight (which by the way is about 20 lbs more than the weight charts recommend but I know what looks and feels good to me) by then but I'd also like to be in good shape. Frankly I'd like to be hotter at 40 than I was at 30. It's absolutely my vanity taking control of me. The kids will be older and need less of the constant chasing after phase of parenting and I can get reaquainted with myself a bit. Part of that means getting rid of the harried mom look so I can get rid of the harried mom feeling.

I guess this has been in my head this week because of the surgery. This is the first time in my life where I see the doctor regularly, am working on my weight, exercising more, hell I'm even getting my screwed up gums worked on at the dentist. I seem to be regaining control of certain aspects of my life that I had really stopped paying attention to and it feels pretty damn good. The only aspect I still don't seem to have the discipline for is going back to school. I meant to go back this Fall but I just never got around to sending in the application. The issue is I'm kind of bored or maybe even burnt out on my job and I need something else. Even if school becomes a goal in and of itself rather than leading to a career change.In the end maybe it will who knows...maybe I would if I could only get started!

On the knitting front, I have been completely monogamous with Gyrid but I still haven't finished the back. I am nearly at the neck shaping which is good, but I still have to do the front when I finish this, which is bad. The back has taken me this freakin' long and the front has the cabling. How much longer will I be working on this thing? I want to wear it dammit!

Last week I picked up Charlotte to make Kathleen happy because I wanted to work on it and I suddenly realized why exactly I hadn't worked on it...I stole the needles for Gyrid from it. Charlotte's just sitting on cables. So nothing got done. I have to check my straights and see if I have a pair I can use so I can work on it a bit.

Hey it's almost Friday!